🖥️ TOUCHGRASS.EXE
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Should ME
Quit Programming?

A 2-minute diagnostic tool for developers who have forgotten what sunlight looks like.

"Laugh at yourself before your code makes you cry."

> START DIAGNOSIS

⚠️ No developers were harmed in the making of this quiz.

📊 burnout_stats.exe
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THE SITUATION IS DIRE

83% of developers reported burnout in 2023 (Stack Overflow)
73% of devs aged 18-24 have anxiety or depression (OSMI Mental Health in Tech (2023))
62% feel stressed at work regularly (JetBrains State of Developer Ecosystem 2023)
30% productivity boost from a 2-5 min micro-break (Harvard Business Review)
⚠️ problem_statement.txt
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WHY DOES THIS EXIST?

Let's be honest: mental health tools for developers are too clinical. They don't speak our language. They don't understand the pain of a production bug at 2 AM. They don't know what it's like to cry over CSS centering.

Developers cope with memes, dark humor, and Twitter doomscrolling. We needed a break experience that actually feels like it was made BY developers, FOR developers.

TouchGrass is a low-friction, culturally relatable micro-break that uses absurdity to help you laugh at your own burnout. Because sometimes, the best therapy is realizing you're destined to be a Catfish Farmer.

  • No signup. No tracking. No cookies (except the edible ones).
  • Takes 2 minutes — less time than your CI pipeline.
  • 100% browser-based. Works on your phone while you hide in the bathroom.
  • Ends with a genuine motivational quote. We're funny, but we care.
📖 how_it_works.exe
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HOW IT WORKS

Answer 8 relatable questions about your developer habits. Each answer secretly maps to one of four absurd alternative career paths. Our highly unscientific scoring engine calculates your destiny.

At the end, you receive your official result, a career transition guide, and a random motivational quote fetched from the internet — because even a joke should end with something real.

1. START QUIZ
2. ANSWER 8 QUESTIONS
3. RECEIVE YOUR DESTINY
4. TOUCH GRASS (OPTIONAL)
🎯 possible_outcomes.dll
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YOUR POSSIBLE FATES

🐟 Catfish
Farmer

Patient. Nurturing. Ok with mud. You debug like you'd raise catfish.

🌿 Professional
Grass Toucher

Needs sunlight. Disconnected. You have gone too deep. Go outside.

🚢 Submarine
Parking Attendant

Over-engineers everything. You'd design Kubernetes for underwater vehicles.

🐔 Chicken Coop
Guard

Disciplined. Routine-driven. Your stand-up is late. Chickens wake at 4 AM.

READY TO FACE THE TRUTH?

8 questions. 2 minutes. 1 absurd destiny.
No data collected. No cookies. Just vibes.

> BEGIN DIAGNOSIS

By clicking this button, you agree that your career is probably fine and this is just a joke.
(But seriously, take a break.)